Mindfulness and expectations

I just read a very enlightening thing today. Actually this is the second time I’m going through Alan Watt’s book “The book on the taboo against knowing who you are”.

The concept of ‘being present’ and ‘living in the moment’ has been preached by many schools of thought and I’ve been exposed to them for many years now. Another way of looking at the living in the moment idea is that one should limit expectations of future events.
However no explanation has been totally satisfactory to me as to convince me through and through to limit how much I over-think the future. Nothing I’ve come across have had a lasting impact.

Living in the moment

Alan makes an interesting point in his book regarding how in order to understand any one thing (be it organism or inanimate matter) one not only needs to understand the item itself, but also the environment in which it exists. To only understand the items is only seeing half the picture.

I spend a lot of time in my head. I know that, which is why I’ve been working for so many years to be more present, and manage expectations. But as you know, this is easier said then done.

The connection I made this morning was that it’s pointless to think about how certain future events may unfold, and/or have expectation of how things will turn out. Reason being that even though we may understand (or think we understand based on prior past events) how a certain item functions or how a person behaves, the context of the moment (the environment and everything else that’s taking place in that time) will shape the way the item or person behaves, in unimaginable ways.

This realization is quite comforting to me. It’s comforting because it gives me a reason to not over-think the future

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Lack of energy in pursuing projects

The month of February and March this year have been quite slow for me in terms of outputting creative content. I’m taking about work outside of the 9-5 grind. I’ve been feeling tired every evening and very unmotivated when I had time to myself. Most evenings I would just give in to the facebooks and youtubes and next thing I new, it was time to go to sleep.
It’s so easy to just let go and just float down the lazy river of life. To let go of ambitions and goals, and let oneself be drawn into the endless cavern of FB, youtube, netflix and the like. Come home from work, maybe have a glass of wine, a beer or anything else alcoholic to help relax and unwind, have dinner and then feel too tired to start or continue any personal endeavors.

Three things dawned on me (one of which wasn’t a surprise) that made a difference in my mood and snapped me out the the slums. Read More

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Meditation thoughts

I’ve been meditating on and off for a few years now (Headspace tells me I’ve done 63 hours), but i still feel like I’ve no idea what I’m doing.

As unbiased as Andy (Headspace) makes all his sessions, i still feel there being an expectation.

Granted that this expectation is mine and i know i should not have expectations about my performance, but i can’t help it.

I still often feel like I’m such s beginner.  I have difficulty maintaining the curiosity in the exercises, mind often wonders for most of the exercise, and that only leaves me feeling.

These feelings do not instill confidence that I’m getting better. Often, the only reason i continue the meditation session is because i promised myself i would, and i know they are adding value and stability to my mental health. Not because I’m enjoying them. Not because there’s clear improvement.

Discouraging… I know. But i will persist with hopes that this feeling diminishes.

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